Curds and Whey (Spider Bait)

Who knew you could use curds and whey as spider bait?

Little Missy may have said, “Where the h_ck are my curds and whey?” 

I imagine Momma Muffet might reply, “I’ll tell you what right here, Little Missy Muffet, sittin’ there on your high tuffet and all. If you don’t change your h_cking attitude, you won’t be seeing any h_cking curds or whey around here. Do you understand?” 

I don’t think Little Missy Muffet’s day is going to get better anytime soon. 

So, along comes a spider. He sits there beside her and asks, “Well, hey there, Little Missy Muffet. Where have you been all my life?" She starts off by telling him that she was already about six or eight years old when he was born, and she shouldn’t have to account for that time. Then she gives him a thirty-seven-minute version of where all she’d been from the time she was about six or eight years old until the moment she sat there, then, with a spider beside her. 

“There may be a few things I might have skipped over,” she told the spider. “I mean, if you have any more questions, go ahead and ask.” I imagine that would have frightened the spider away. 

This is not curds and whey. This is oatmeal and peanut butter and brown sugar. I dunno, Kari might could think of something better, but I’m not going to bother her. Cottage cheese, eh. Who knew?


Spider, come along 

Sit, let’s chat. We can be friends. 

You’re not so scary.


Peace, Y'all!


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